Captain Falcon's Great Smashtype Discoveries!
by YaoiSongstress07
Summary: The greatest Smash fic ever composed! Snake's Smashtype is revealed! What kind of life does this legend really lead? Find out here, in this action-packed epic! Check out the excitement! The stuff!
1. Chapter 1

Welcome to the most amazing work ever written. You have stepped into something so astounding, breathtaking and incredible, you won't believe your existence. You have stepped into an epic world of heroes, princesses, legends and swords. You have stepped into…the stereotype zone! Brought to you by the one and only Captain Douglas Falcon! Ta daaa!

I know all of you missed me. You can't get enough of my sexiness, now can you children? No, you can't. To deprive you of my hotness would be a crime-a crime punishable by death. So I bequeath onto you, my beloved children, my knowledge and intelligence. Prepare to be amazed by stuff you have never seen before, and stuff no one's seen before. I hope you've got your popcorn ready!

**Disclaimer: Director Aurora doesn't own anything related to Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I don't own anything either, aside from my unbelievable sexiness. Oh, and the same rules apply to the guest stuff.**

**Warning: Boy/boy relationships will be mentioned. If the thought of guy/guy action makes you sick, please don't read this-or anything else Aurora has written. Make sure you can at least be respectful towards yaoi if you wish to continue. Thanks!**

**This is meant to be a fun, lighthearted project. Although it conveys Director Aurora's dislike for this fandom, we're all supposed to have a jolly good time. Please keep that in mind while you read this!**

* * *

Another day has risen. The sun is out, the day has begun, and the winds are ripe for the picking. Our beloved heroes and heroines face another session of heart-rending, gut-punching battles. They face destiny, fate and everything else in between. They face their darkest nightmares, standing on the threshold to immortality. They just finished a bunch of battles, but they're going to face a whole bunch more! Isn't that fascinating?! It is what they do, after all. They're Smashers!

"So," King Bowser sighed, rolling his eyes. Along with the rest of his comrades, he sat inside of the Smash Break Room. An All-Star Tournament had just come to an end, and another was just around the corner! It was all work and no play, for that was the Smash way! "What's up with today? Is that slimeball Falcon going to spill more of his fun rules, or are we doomed to inhale someone else's stupidity?"

Fox McCloud, sitting between Falco Lombardi and Wolf O'Donnell, removed a scroll from his pocket. "He's leading us down the path of righteousness again," he said casually, as if a magazine had been placed into his hands. "But before we begin today's awesome schedule, he wants us to have a recap session. If we've forgotten his guide to Smash stardom, nothing else will make sense. That's what he says, anyway."

And so the legendary scroll was unfolded, revealing contents unknown to man but known to the readers of 'Stardom'.

_Here, dear readers, dwells the incredible knowledge of Captain Falcon. Heed these words if you wish to succeed in the Smash fandom. These words will be invaluable to a writer of the Smash fandom._

_Pay close attention to trends, dear friends. While the Ike/Pit trend has fallen into oblivion, the Ike/Marth trend has skyrocketed in popularity. Falcon predicts the uprising of the Ike/Link pairing._

_If you wish to succeed in the Smash fandom, DO NOT use Solid Snake-unless you pair him with Samus. In addition to that, you must make him a minor character. No one really cares for him._

_One Ike/Marth tale attained thirty reviews, when it was only three chapters long. That fact strengthens point one._

_If you wish to truly succeed, stay away from yaoi all together. The Marth/Samus and Marth/Zelda pairings are really popular._

_Pay close attention to summary trends. This fandom features run-of-the-mill storylines on a frequent basis. _

The Smashers were in awe of that wisdom. Never before had they witnessed such grandeur, such splendor. What planet was Captain Falcon born on? It must've been the planet Awesome. "What's on today's plate?" Samus asked, arms folded. King Dedede removed what appeared to be another scroll from his pocket, glaring at the document. He was so cute, he looked just like a puffed up marshmallow. He's really cute in his pink outfit. Wouldn't he be perfect for an Easter basket?

"Well, according to this, Falcon says we're speaking of Smashtypes-Smashers who are doomed to live with stereotypes. We've got Solid Snake's Smashtype, first off."

Princess Peach folded her arms, frowning. "I wonder how he's doing. I miss having him around."

_Falcon Reminder: Solid Snake will no longer be featured in Director Aurora's Smash projects._

"Don't feel sorry for him, Princess," Samus said with a scowl, looking as if she had inhaled a million pickled roaches. "He's just fine. Who wouldn't be in his position? Director Aurora not only has him paired with Leon, but with every other hot guy in the universe. I mean, come on. Zack Fair and chaos? Can anyone spell 'jealous'?"

_Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the first Smashtype-Solid Snake's Smashtype!_

_Solid Snake is frequently characterized as a stone-cold, heartless and boring wretch that lives only for battle. In addition to that, he's also a womanizer-which makes him perfect for Zero Suit Samus, especially when their similar personalities are taken into consideration. I would have asked Snake to demonstrate his Smashtype, but he's too busy boinking Leon Scott Kennedy, Zack Fair and a bunch of other guys Aurora believes to be hawt. So I asked a dear friend to assume his role._

"Hey there. Name's Snake," Snake said with a wave, strolling into the breakroom. His greeting was completely rehearsed, not to mention forced. "What mission do I have today? Am I supposed to whack a bunch of Metal Gears or some nut job?"

All looked into his direction, confused and bewildered. Sonic was the first to break the awkward Smash silence. "Um…Snake? I thought you weren't supposed to be here!"

The legend looked like a horrendously bored cat, playing with an old toy. "I'm on break," he said, ready to fall asleep without a moment's notice. "So it looks like Samus is stuck with me."

The blonde lioness leapt from her seat, throwing herself into Snake's arms. "Yaaay," she squealed, even happier than Sebastian under the sea. "I have my pre-programmed hubby back! We're going to be as happy as we can be!"

"Yeah yeah yeah," the man groaned, rolling his eyes. "You and I both know how ridiculous this is. Let's go out and destroy whatever it is we're supposed to destroy, and yadda yadda yadda. After all, I have to live up to my rep. I am the biggest, baddest bad-ass of all the bad-asses."

_That's right, kiddies and children. As an invincible bad-butt, Solid Snake isn't allowed to show emotion. He can't cry, sulk, smile or pitch a fit. He definitely can't fall in love, and if he becomes intimate, it has to be __**purely physical**__. Oh, and I haven't forgotten about his drinking/smoking problem!_

Snake put forth a strained smile, going against his Smashtype rules. "I've got a great life, huh? It's no wonder I'm freakishly popular."

"I know," Samus purred, nuzzling against him. "Let's go and do the bad thing. I'm ready for anything, you big bad sex beast!"

_Zero Suit Samus Smashtype_

_Samus is commonly depicted as a tough-talking, no-nonsense woman. That explains why she's cemented to Solid Snake. She's either paired with Snake or set up with the obvious choice: Captain Falcon. Which gives Falcon the perfect idea. A threeway between Snake, the beautiful Samus and the brilliant Falcon! Great idea, don't you think?! Snake's always ready for sex, I think Samus is totally hawt, and Samus is a kitten. It would be a totally kinky set up!_

_Captain Pit Smashtype_

_Pit is commonly characterized as an innocent, clueless angel. Rare authors swerve from that depiction, and actually give him a brain. GintaxAlvissxForever is one of those authors. He's cemented to Ike, and sometimes paired with Link. His first option is always the most popular._

Sonic rose from his seat. "Speaking of Link, where is he? Haven't seen him since last night. Things became pretty messy between him and Navi."

That was right, dear friends. Link's been heavily involved with Navi, his beloved Kokiri fairy. Unfortunately, the road to true love is NEVER smooth. Obstacles have been crushing them at every turn. Maidens threaten to tear them apart! Navi's obsessive behavior threatens to kill Link's sanity! Their steamy relationship is in extreme danger! Sound the alarm!

But at the mere mention of Link, a miracle occurred. A ball of light grew in the center of the breakroom, bringing forth two figures. One was some pointy-eared, green tunic guy, while the other guy held something that looked like a key. It was pretty big for a key, but a key nonetheless. "Where did you run off to?" Zelda asked, rushing to meet her old friend. "And who's that?"

The key-wielding guy raised a hand in greeting. "Name's Sora, ma'am. Link and I were searching for Navi, closing up Keyholes on the way. Hope I didn't cause any trouble."

Link nudged Hyrule's sovereign in the chest. "I was wondering if he could join the lineup for next season. He's pretty amazing with that Keyblade of his."

"Don't tell me you've been cheating on Navi with Sora," Zelda snapped viciously, pulling on his arm. "Wait a minute. I don't need you to tell me! I know you're cheating on her! You wanted to spend time with Sora, and used Navi as an excuse!"

A frown fell upon the Hero of Time's face. "What's the problem?" he asked innocently, looking very much like a wounded dog.

"What's the problem?! You moron! Once Navi finds out about this, she'll wreak havoc on all dimensions! She'll be even more powerful than Ganondorf!"

Ike raised a fist into the air, suffering from a case of raging hormones. He was, after all, doomed to spend the rest of his life with Pit. "Yes! Kill me! Put me out of my misery! I wish for some kind soul to end my miserable existence!"

Thunder crashed into the breakroom, and its name was Navi. Spreading wildfire through the room, she rushed into the room on wings of wrath! "I already know Link's secret, my queen," she said darkly, wings stiffening. Don't ask me how she was able to stay airborne. "Have no fear. I will sort this out!"

"Can I sort it out?" Snake asked innocently, raising a hand. "I need something to do. Otherwise I'll become bored and rot."

"Wait a minute," King Dedede exclaimed, shooting up from his seat. "Snake, if you're not allowed to show emotion, how can you be in love with that babe Leon?"

Indifferent and bored at the same time, Snake gave a response. "The Smashtype rules don't apply to other fandoms, Dedede. I'm only supposed to be dead in this particular section."

"Navi! You know I love you, but things can't go on like this! I can't be your property!"

"Oh no? You gave me the right to own your heart, and I will! I'm going to love you forever, even if I have to wipe out your extra playboys and floozies! Your flowing blonde locks and blue eyes are mine, elf boy!"

And so an epic battle began, raging between Sora of the Keyblade and Navi of the…well, of the Kokiri Forest! A lot of stuff happened, spells flew all over the place, and…wait a minute. When did Navi learn magic?

"Firaga!"

"Din's Fire, burn my enemy! Release!"

Link could watch no more. "Stop this," he cried out, hands in the air. "Navi, Sora, stop it! I'm not worth it!"

With that, he threw himself between the combatants. Fire from both ends struck the legendary hero, bringing him down. Fire cleared, revealing a horrid sight. "Link," Sora and Navi cried out, tears lacing their eyes (or body, in Navi's case). Both of them placed themselves at his side, horrified by what had happened. Sora took Link into his arms, tears overflowing.

"What made you pull such a wild stunt?"

Link, through fogged eyes, gave off a smile. "I don't want you two to fight over me," he whispered, pushing words through massive pain. "It's not worth it. I want you two…to be…h-h-happy…ugggh…"

Navi threw back her head (don't ask me how) and released an immortal sob. "Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink! Nooooooooooooo!"

"Don't leave us, Link," Sora begged. "We need you!"

"You mean 'I' need you," Navi growled, turning a bright red on Sora. "You heartless molester! This is all your fault! If you hadn't been born, Link wouldn't have made the decision to cheat on me!"

Snake yawned while patting his mouth. "I'm still bored over here. Nobody has any orders for me?"

Fox approached Snake, then gave him a letter. "Well, now that you mentioned it, here are the directions to Andross' base. You can bomb it or do whatever you want to it. I don't really care. Just as long as you get the job done."

"That's pretty much what everyone says to me," a grinning Snake said, taking the document. "By the way, how come you guys can't take care of it? Something wrong?"

"There is, actually. The Star Fox Corporation is up to its ears in debt. Not to mention its being run by Slippy. Don't ask me how that happened. There aren't women in there either. I'm afraid you're just going to have to whoop-diddle-doo Samus."

"All right," Samus cried in a way that was rather manly. "Let's make sure we engorge our bedroom with loud, bumpin' music! Let's have a sexy dance party!"

"Oops. I'm supposed to be smoking. Where are the cigs?"

Sonic's eyes widened. "Are you serious? Don't you know how nasty that stuff is?"

"Yeah, I do. It goes with my bad-guy image, though. And Falcon asked me to demonstrate that image, so…"

"Um…Snake?" Sora asked, eyeing the mercenary's movements. Out from a closet came a pretty big gun. "What's that for?"

The revered hero grinned. "You'll see," he said happily, then gunned down the room's décor in seconds. In ten seconds, the room was transformed into tatters. All were left standing in piles of scraps and tatters. Snake was awfully proud of what he had done, and had every right to be!

"How did you like them apples?"

"Oh, right," Link said while nodding. "I get it. You're supposed to run around and destroy things."

"Sure am," the mercenary said, pushing his gun out of the room ecstatically. Somehow, he had infused himself with a gallon of sugar. "Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a bunch of other shit I have to destroy before I can go back to 'Brain Land'."

"Yeah, to your beloved Leon, no doubt," a pouting Ike said, folding his arms. "And here's the ironic part of this. Since Snake's following his Smashtype rules, he can do whatever he pleases-without consequences. Which means he can pretty much blow up the entire kingdom and get away with it."

"I love you Falcon," someone cried out, running around with pretty heavy machinery. Meanwhile, millions of people followed an evacuation order. After all, no one wanted to be around while Snake followed orders. Everyone had already been killed by Pit's cuteness, so why should they expose themselves to Snake's stupidity? He was in violation of one rule, though. As a heartless, cold-blooded killer, he was supposed to get rid of everything-civilians included. Oh well. Guess I'll have to toss him into the time-out corner later.

_Ike's Smashtype_

_Ike is supposed to be an apathetic, boring and strict swordsman. He's never one to smile, laugh or make merry._

"So how come he's never paired with Snake?" Sonic asked with a shrug. "Ike's profile almost matches his."

"Yeah. Ike is just the guy version of Samus," Peach threw in. "What's the deal?"

_Falcon Reminder: Refresh your memory of rules 2 and 4. Thank you._

_Falcon Newsflash: This just in. Ike of Crimea has just run off with somebody named Vin Diesel._

"Does he no longer love me?" Pit mewed, hands pawing at one another. "I thought we were meant to be together forever!"

"Link would never cheat on me," Navi announced proudly, landing on the Hero of Time's shoulder. "He loves me, just as I love him."

"Uh, Link?" Zelda called out, standing at the doorway. "Someone named Midna is here. She says she wants to tell you something."

"Uh oh," Bowser said mischievously, rubbing his hands together while a bunch of empty buildings were blown skyhigh. "Ha haaa," someone cried out gleefully. "Th' name's Solid Snake, beeyatches! I'm the baddest bad guy in town, and don't you forget it!"

* * *

This was composed to 'Moondance' of Nightwish. XD

References were made to 'Captain Falcon's Guide to Stardom'.

The installment of Vin Diesel's name came from my family's midnight party. We caught a midnight showing of the latest 'Fast and the Furious', which was a PHENOMENAL movie.

I decided to put Sora in because I truly believe he should be featured in the next Smash game. XD By the way, I used his Kingdom Hearts II form.

Should I just stick with projects like these for the Smash fandom? They're a lot of fun to write, and they seem to touch a lot of people. XD

Thanks for reading. XD This is originally meant to be a oneshot, but 'Stardom' was meant to be a oneshot too. XD If enough compliments fuel Falcon's ego, he'll be more than happy to compose another round of fun. XD


	2. Chapter 2

Well hello there, dear friends! Here's an additional chapter of 'Smashtype'. I originally meant for the project to be a single chapter long, but I feel as if I didn't stress something enough. Contrary to the words of a beloved friend, I didn't highlight Snake's stereotype (or Smashtype) well enough. XD Hopefully, with this chapter, I'll be able to bring it some justice. Perhaps I'll work on the additional Smashtypes in the future, transforming this into a full-grown project.

Thank you for reading Captain Falcon's research. XD It means a lot to him!

**Warning: Boy/boy relationships will be featured in this composition. If you cannot at least be tolerant of yaoi, then steer away from my work. Thanks for your consideration, though.**

**This meant to be a jolly, fun project. Although my dislike for this fandom is strong, I bear no will against any author. Please don't take Falcon's research TOO seriously. XD Just relax and have fun.**

* * *

The second day of research has arrived. I was foolish to assume my work had been completed! The world's greatest discoveries cannot be made within a few hours, dear shirelings! I must take additional steps to greatness. Then, and only then, will all worlds recognize me as a genius! With this new day, I will surpass Albert Einstein himself! All will tremble before me, on the side of me, and before me! All will be breathless once this research is complete! So I hope you're all prepared, kiddies, because you're about to be amazed! My hawtness will thrill you, consume you and captivate you!

Ahem ahem ahem. Today, I have decided to extend the explanation of Solid Snake's Smashtype. Not enough of my wisdom was shared in a single day, so more will be given. I will place Solid Snake in his natural habitat, after ordering him to work under his Smashtype rules. Then I'll throw him a bone, pet him and buy him a collar. He is the most adorable thing alive, don't you think? He probably has the most adorable bark!

Where will the other Smashers be, you ask? Well, they'll be on and off the set, polishing my research. They'll be the ones to secure all operations. I was going to ask one of them to accompany Snake, but none of them would be stupid enough to throw themselves into explosions and gunfire. I didn't want to throw Samus in, because I would have endangered my eye candy. Besides, Snake doesn't want partners anyway-and once my work begins, you'll find out why. Dun dun dun!

In an army base that sat in the middle of nowhere, a bunch of military soldiers fulfilled their duties. They would have been in the middle of Alaska, but the Falcon Foundation couldn't chart the army fleet out that far. So I cast it into oblivion. At least I was able to reunite Snake with old friends!

Colonel Roy Campbell was in the main hub, wearing a hundred metals. He was born in the dinosaur era, but he still found enough time to dish out orders. "Snake," he began slowly-very slowly. "There's some stuff you need to do. I need you to destroy a base full of robots, and take down Psychotic Bullfrog. If you don't survive, we'll use government funding to replace you. Do you understand?"

Snake (with a look that pretty much said 'wtf?') gave a response. "Am I not supposed to?"

"No. But even if you did, it wouldn't matter. Oh, and by the way, there's a really pretty girl you need to rescue. I'm sure you'll have fun meeting her, as she'll satisfy all of your needs!"

"Wait a minute," Snake said in alarm, holding up his hands. "Her name wouldn't be Meryl by any chance, would it?"

Campbell nodded, then returned to ultra-slow mode. "Yes, Snake. Her name is Meryl. She is my daughter. She's been waiting for the chance to meet the legendary Solid Snake. Do you comprehend?"

Looking as if he had swallowed fried bullfrogs, Snake released a heavy sigh. His question was directed to Shiek of the Shiekahs. Don't ask me where Zelda went. "Can I quit now?"

Shiek held a finger to her lips, beaming at her friend's misery. "No! Keep it up. You're doing fine, Snake!"

"You cannot quit, Snake," Roy stated urgently. "The world needs you and your prowess! Of course we'd do just fine without you, because all we have to do is pull a set of your genes out and we're good to go. The cloning process would only take a few hours, thanks to today's technology."

"Gee, thanks," Snake scowled, slapping a hand against his forehead. Then, like a good doggy, he returned to the script. "Where are my cigs? I need them before I do my business."

By the magical psychotic powers of Mewtwo, Snake's cigarettes were flown into Snake's hand. A lighter followed soon after. "Thanks," the mercenary said happily, removing a pair of cigarettes from the box. They were slowly lit and placed inside of an eager mouth. "Aaaaah, nitrogen," he said with an ecstatic sigh. "Life can't get any better than this."

Fox nudged Samus in the ribs. "Um...isn't it 'nicotine'?"

"Somebody didn't memorize their lines. They're also failing to use their brain," Samus replied with a roguish smile, eyes twinkling. Man alive, she was beautiful. "Who would stick nitrogen in a cigarette?"

Falco slumped against a wall, defeated and miserable. "Are those even real cigarettes?"

Link (with Navi perched on his shoulder) shook his head. "Nah uh. They're just imitations. Snake said he didn't want the real thing. He doesn't want to chop years off his life with Leon. And now we've got to get moving to Shadow Moses. The next phase of Falcon's research takes place there."

And so, in the legendary Shadow Moses base, Snake faced his greatest mission ever! It was a mission unlike anything he had ever faced, ladies and kittens! It was the mission to end all missions, plain and simple! It was-

"One of the stupidest pieces of shit I've been asked to deal with," Snake grumbled, wiping snow off his OctoCamo suit. He was inside of the awesome Shadow Moses, searching for the things that would bring world destruction. He didn't show a bit of fear, for he was Solid Snake! He was the world's greatest bad-ass, womanizer, drinker, smoker and copy of Big Boss! Did his brother appreciate that reputation? No! Of course he didn't! Liquid Snake was angrier than the angriest of dragons! He was jealous! Envious! And downright handsome!

"SNAKE! You have finally arrived, brotheeeeer!"

Snake quickly found his brother, who triumphantly stood several yards away. "Oh no..."

"You must learn the truth behind your heritage, brotheeeer! You are a useless, meaningless sack of despicable garbage! You're nothing but a clone, a killer, a..."

Thirty minutes later...

"And that's what you are, brotheeer! You are an inferior puppet, and I shall surpass you!"

Any one of us would have been traumatized. Any one of us would have been tear-stricken, enraged or downright confused. You wouldn't be thrilled if your brother called you 'inferior', now would you? And being called a 'puppet' would definitely scar you for life! I would definitely need therapy! How did Snake respond to the truth? Was he any of those things? Did the disgusting, horrible truth behind his birth sicken him? Well, did it?

"Yeah yeah yeah. That's all very nice. Can I go now?"

"No, brother. Not yet! First you must defeat me! Then you'll see how inferior you are to me!"

"Well, he had that backwards," Ike snickered, sharing his words with Marth (and staying far away from Pit). A battle soon began onstage, and it quickly ended. Snake only had to land a single punch to achieve victory! He was, after all, the invincible Solid Snake! He was immortal! Legendary! Unstoppable! Fierce!

"Any more of this and I'm out of here..." Snake grumbled, scowling at his brother's crumbled body. He turned to continue his mission, only to find the incredibly adorable Octagon-oops, Otacon-at his side. He was aglow with adoration for the one and only hero!

"Wow, Snake! You were abso-freakin'-lutely amazing! You're the shit!"

"Just a little more, Snake," Shiek called out from behind the set, seeing the look of strained tolerance on her friend's face. "Keep it up! Remember, this is all for Falcon!"

"My name's Otacon," the new guy said, extending his hand for a handshake. Apparently, he forgot his real name (Hal Emmerich). "Hi! We're gonna be partners from now on! We're gonna have so much fun, Snake!"

"Why does everyone talk to me like I'm a freakin' two year old?! I'm not romping off to Disneyland, thank you very much!"

"Aww, Snake. You're so mean...but that makes you even cooler! You rock!"

Launching back into his Smashtype script, Snake took out another cigarette-and pretty much inhaled its contents. "I don't need you, you obnoxious freak. I don't need any partners, and I sure as Hell don't need any friends. These babies are my friends, right here," he said proudly, holding up his cigarette box. Otacon, looking very much like a defeated puppy, gave a response.

"But you'll need an assistant. You can't work these missions alone. I can provide support!"

"Whatever. Let's get moving."

A minute later, Roy Campbell contacted Snake via communicator. "Snake," he began, resuming uber slow mode. "There's some stuff in the inferno you need to deactivate. It's about 200 degrees Farenheit in there, but you'll be all right. If you don't make it, well then...none of us will really care. Any questions?"

"Yeah. I've got one. Why doesn't anyone give a flying rat's ass about MY needs?!"

Shiek lifted a finger, calling out to her friend from beyond the set. "Snaaake, stick to the script!"

"I'm tired of the damned script! I'm sick and tired of idiotic losers using me to meet their own ends! And what's with me being such a dipshit?! If I'm such a boring jackass, why are the Metal Gear Solid games so freakishly popular?!"

Sonic scratched his head, lost in deep thought. "Um...can't really say for sure. Maybe people are just into the art?"

"Snake posed a good question," Fox said, nodding with folded arms. "If the MGS games are so monotonous, why are they so famous?"

"Maybe people like Otacon," Princess Peach put in helpfully, eyes brighter than diamonds. "He is nice and cuddly."

"OH EMMA! NAOMI! WHY?! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME?! WHY?! OH, I'M NEVER GETTING LAID! EVER!"

The Mushroom Kingdom's princess clasped her hands together. "See? Don't you just want to love him?"

"Snaaaake..." Otacon mewed, pawing at Snake's arm. "I'm lonely. My sister died because I had an affair with my stepmother."

"You know what?! Who the hell cares?! I sure as hell don't, and since I'm not supposed to give a damn about anything or anyone, HERE!"

RIght there, in a flash of fury, Solid Snake whipped out a freakin' big gun. "I'm sick and tired of everyone's bullcrap, so take this!"

"CUT," my awesome and phenomenal director cried out, and then something amazing happened. An all-mighty ninja crash-landed onto the scene, swinging onto the scene via a rope. With an incredible kick, he kicked Snake's gun right out of Snake's hand! "Stop right there," the ninja cried out, taking up an awesome ninja stance. "You'll go no further, enemy of mine!"

"I don't even know who the hell you are, dumb ass!"

The ninja placed his hands together, menacing and dangerous. "The name's Ryu. Ryu...Hayabusa. And don't you forget it, my fellow dumb ass."

"All right. That's it. I've had it! Prepare to die, you moronic sack of-"

The Falcon Committee wishes to cut away from the Solid Snake research, in favor of lighter material. Now we shall give you the Marth/Ike Smashtype! Yes yes, couples have stereotypes too. Stereotypes go across a wide variation of varieties! Aren't they amazing?!

"Ike, my dear Ike, why won't you love me? I love you more than life itself! I am on my knees, begging you to love me!"

"I cannot love you, Prince. I am not meant to love anyone. I must keep to my duties."

"Bloody hell," Marth snarled, rising to his feet. In the distance, several Toads applauded. "Way to go, Marth," Princess Rosalina cheered. "You weren't even close to Snake's progress!"

"Yeah," Bowser threw in. "At least ol' Snake boy made it mid-point! You didn't get past a single sentence!"

"Well, I can certainly see why," the Prince of Altea grumbled, heart growling with anger. "Look at the horrid sloth we must deal with! Snake's locked in a dastardly world of filth, I'm doomed to love a heartless codger-"

"No offense taken," Ike said, raising a hand.

"There's another option open for you," Wolf informed the prince, reading through a scroll of Falcon's research. "According to our leader, you can shack up with either Zelda or Samus."

"At this point, I'll happily shack up with myself," Marth groaned, shaking his head. "And here's another idea. Why don't we form a parade of intercourse between myself, Pit, Ike and Link? I'm sure audiences of the Smash fandom would love it!"

Dedede frowned. "There's a little problem with that, Marthy boy. You kinda forgot about the 'stay away from yaoi' rule. Writers are supposed to follow that for true success, remember?"

"Bloody freakin'-"

The Falcon Committee would like to apologize for the trouble. Research has gotten a little heavy, dear audience, so the amazing Falcon must leave you here. If additional research is to be composed, then it shall be revealed. For now, ladies and gentlemen, I bid you good morning!

* * *

This was composed to the Mario Party 6 OST and Super Mario 64 OST.

References were made to two of the MGS adventures: the first MGS and MGS4. I read how Otacon called Snake 'the shit' once, and I almost fell out of my chair with a massive migraine. Really, how utterly annoying. XD That just gave more grounds to the Snake Smashtype!

Thanks for reading. XD I really feel like I did Snake's Smashtype justice, so I feel much better now. I might have done a little MGS bashing, but don't read too much into it. XD As I said before, this project was done all in good fun! And I adore the MGS series. I've been madly in love with it for I don't know how long now, and I'm obsessed with MGS4!

I'm contemplating the continuation of this project, highlighting other Smashtypes. In the meantime, thanks for reading these two chapters. It really means a lot!

Lots of love to you all. XD


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